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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Farewell to Jason Varitek: the catcher who fights like a girl

So new Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine is trying to ingratiate himself with Red Sox Nation by, among other things, praising retiring catcher Jason Varitek saying the Red Sox captain was "able to beat up Alex" Rodriguez. (Bobby V also said that Derek Jeter never actually practiced the flip play, and he nearly hurt himself the next day having to do a 180 and take that back!)

Anyhow, I have never understood why Red Sox fans praise that "fight" as being some great moment for their team, nor do I think that Tek "beat up" anybody. Because, frankly, Jason Varitek fought like a girl in the brouhaha. First of all, you cannot be considered a tough guy when you keep your catcher's mask during a fight. Some warrior. Second, he kept his catcher's mitt on, too. Third, he grabbed at A-Rod's face like a girl would in a hair-pulling snit fit or something. Fourth, he grabbed at Alex's crotch, too. Again, that's fighting like a girl, too.

The whole "fight" was stupid -- and orchestrated. If you may remember, Rodriguez helped the Yanks beat the Red Sox the night before, so Bronson (aka "Brandon," as A-Rod always called him) Arroyo plunked A-Rod to start something, one of the many, many times Yankees got plunked over the years by Boston pitchers. (And how long did it take for David Ortiz to get his? A decade? But I digress.)

Here is what one Red Sox blogger said the other day praising Varitek in the week that, as he puts it, "the warrior is hanging up his armor" (you mean the catcher's mask he hid in?) Emphasis added by me:
Arroyo buzzed him squarely in the back on his second trip to the plate. Rodriguez didn't like it and started jawing (that's polite for cursing out Arroyo) as he slowly walked to first base.


Sox catcher Jason Varitek decidedly didn't like what he heard, stood between Arroyo and ARod, asked ARod to repeat himself, ARod obliged and it was on. Rodriguez's head jolted back as Tek mashed his face with his catcher's mitt and then, frankly, raunched him by getting his right arm under ARod's crotch and clasped his left hand behind the ARod's buttocks and lifted. It hurts just to write about it.
Oooh, what a fighter! Puh-lease.

Look, other than the fight, I really don't dislike Varitek -- he stood up and participated in the "It Gets Better" project, and he seems like a decent enough guy, although his leadership during the fried chicken and beer brouhaha last year left something to be desired. For years, he hasn't even cracked  my least favorite Red Sox list. But please, stop telling me what a great fighter Varitek was against A-Rod. I've seen tougher fights in the girls' bathroom in high school.

What do you say? Does Jason Varitek fight like a girl?

6 comments:

Brad V. said...

Like a 4-year-old girl.

The Omnipotent Q said...

Whatever.

Thank you for 2004 and 2007, Tek.

Arods a bigger baby said...

Arod is more of a sissy... trying to slap the ball out of the glove on the way to first base

Rob S said...

You missed the best part of the fight-- and all baseball "fights" are laughable -- Varitek said "We don't throw at .260 hitters." That was gold and that "fight" sparked the Sox to turn the season around and led to the most epic collapse in all of American sports-- the Yankees choking away the 2004 ALCS after being up 3-0.

Casey said...

i love this piece

PHz13 said...

Varitek was in a headlock for most of it