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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A-Rod: Kabbalah School Dropout or Madonna's Boy Toy?

Shocker! Alex Rodriguez is in the headlines - again. And the Subway Squawkers have a big surprise in store for our readers.

But first, A-Rod. Yankee hitting coach Kevin Long, who has been working with Alex in Miami this offseason, admits to the New York Times that the A-Rod/Madonna drama may have affected the third baseman's performance last year:

“I can’t even imagine going through a divorce in the middle of a season and trying to compete at the highest level. He was able to do a good job, but there were days last year when you could just tell he had a lot on his mind. He’d be looking through you, and not completely focused like I’d seen him. You try to push that to the side for a couple of hours and do the best you can, but it’s easier said than done.”

Yikes! Given this, you'd hope that Alex's personal life would be a bit less, well, dramatic this year. But MSNBC reports that the recently-divorced Material Girl may be miffed at A-Rod because he has been skipping Kabbalah classes:

“This is certainly off-putting to Madonna,” says the source. “She did drag Guy into Kabbalah, she’s doing the same now (with Rodriguez). But he’s bored. He’s basically a Kabbalah school dropout.”

Talk about a song parody waiting to happen. I can hear it now, to the tune of "Beauty School Dropout" from "Grease." Can't you just picture Frankie Avalon crooning this to Alex?:

Kabbalah school dropout
No red string bracelet day for you
Kabbalah school dropout
Highlighted your hair, but Madonna's still blue

I'm also imagining Derek Jeter, Robinson Cano, and Jorge Posada chiming in on harmony. Okay, maybe I'm not Weird Al Yankovic or anything, but I think there's something there!

Anyhow, a day after this article runs, Cynthia Rodriguez is reported to be furious at her estranged hubby:

"Access Hollywood" reports that Cynthia, who's in the final stages of her divorce from A-Rod, wrote an e-mail to a confidant noting: "My 6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna. . . She called and he ran on her command back to New York City . . . Gross!"

I dunno if I'd want to spend Thanksgiving with Madonna. And it's not just the likelihood that she'd demand to be the center of attention and start rolling around the table when it was time to pass the cranberry sauce. It's that she adheres to a notoriously restrictive macrobiotic diet and made her ex Guy Ritchie follow it as well, to the point where he had to put rice milk in his tea. Yum!

Oh, and her onetime husband was reportedly forced to beg Her Madgesty to allow their son Rocco to have a birthday cake. And Madonna also sleeps in a plastic suit, slathered with expensive anti-aging cream. Good times!

The A-Rod/Madonna gossip gets better - or worse, depending on your point of view:

An insider told Page Six, "Alex likes a woman with a strong hand. He likes to be told what to do. He's a bit of a cipher."

Maybe that's the solution to the Yankees' problems - Madonna can simply tell him to remember how to hit in the ninth inning again!

* * *

As promised, we have breaking Subway Squawkers news. To celebrate our new location, we will have our first-ever giveaway for our readers. But you'll have to come back tomorrow to see what 15 lucky Squawker fans will have the chance to win.

Also, please bookmark us at http://www.subwaysquawkers.com or sign up for us via RSS feed. And be sure to tell your friends about where to find our new digs.

What do you think of the A-Rod/Madonna drama? Leave us a comment!

10 comments:

Uncle Mike said...

It's the Curse of Madonna! Remember, she also fooled around with Patrick Ewing, who didn't win a title in New York!

A-Rod likes a strong woman? How about Hillary Clinton? She says she's a Yankee Fan, and getting him into the World Series will be a greater challenge than anything she could do as Secretary of State. It's not like Bill would mind. (And this comes from somebody who likes the Clintons.)

A-Rod wants to be with Madonna on Thanksgiving? Which one is the turkey?

The Emperor said...

This whole thing is so unimaginely ridiculous. I read about this, and when I was done, I laughed to myself and wondered why the hell is any of this even remotely newsworthy??

It's rather disturbing to know that the most prolific player on the Yankees is always intertwined with celebrity gossip. I swear, it's like an episode of Sex In The City, starring Madonna and guest starring Alex Rodriguez.

Are the Yankees going to sign any of these free agents soon or are they going to drag this out until February and then go sign with Boston and Anaheim??

I don't get why CC is hesitating so much. For chrissakes, $140,000,000 isn't enough money to feed his damn Big Mac habit?

And why isn't A.J. biting? He's a 32-year old injury prone pitcher. What does he mean he wants more than five years guaranteed?? He should take three years and keep his mouth shut and count his blessings that the Yankees think he's good enough to want him at all.

NAM said...

This is all to funny. Did A-Rod come to NY to win a title or become a celebrity. I always felt that was one of the reasons Johnny Damon went to NY; to be with the gliterazzi. I like Boston where they just swing a bat and we are Madonna free.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and Emp, how do we get Michael in NJ back to the blog. Maybe we should mention it in Feinsand's blog in case he reads that, although Michael never posted on that blog. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss his diatribes.

The Emperor said...

Hey NAM,

Michael in NJ has been here all along - he's Uncle Mike! :-)

But with the A-Rod/Madonna situation, I'm tired of it. I just want to know about him playing baseball.

The Emperor said...

I wish MINJ/Uncle Mike would post on Mark's blog, too. There are some people there that can really use Mike's uncanny intellect and wit to back them off and set them straight, especially one poster named Archie.

NAM said...

I should have known! My apologies Mike for not recognizing your sarcasm and rapier wit.

NAM said...

Emp, yes, Mark's blog is in sore need of Mike. I don't post that often on Mark's blog becuase, although I think he is probably a very nice guy, he doesn't seem to laugh at himself the way Lisa does on her own blog. But I did question something he wrote recently and he was nice enough to write me privately at my e-mail address and explain why he wrote what he did. But I think Lisa's blot is more fun.

"The Expert" said...

This is the first blog that I have made into a must read and participate in. I enjoy the sense of humor Lisa and Jon have, and it is a fun place to be in.

Uncle Mike said...

NAM: I have been here all along. On Blogspot, and in a few other places, I'm "Uncle Mike," a tribute to my twin nieces.

When they were 2 months old, I brought a radio into the room, and they listened to their first Yankee game. But the Yanks were getting pounded by Toronto, so I took the radio away. About an hour later, thinking the game was wrapping up, I checked on it again, and they came from behind to win. So I ran over to them, and I said, Sterling-style, "Ashley! Yankees win! Theeee Yankees win! Yay!" And she smiled and waved her arms. OK, I got one of them! So I walked over to the other one, and I said, "Rachel! Yankees win! Theeee Yankees win! Yay!" And she looked at me as if to say, "What the hell are you talking about?"

They're now 16 months, and in their playroom, I found a Met cap. Blue lettering, orange trim, black background, blue brim. So I got out my Yankee cap, and I showed them: "Yankees, yes. Yay! Mets, boo. No no no!" They hear that, they wiggle their fingers and say, "No, no, no!"

I told them that, someday, I'll take them to the park where the current Yankee Stadium still, for the moment, stands, and let them run the same bases as did the Babe, the Iron Horse, the Clipper, the Mick, Mr. October and Jeter. And that I'll take them to the new place, and they can see... well, hopefully, a still-starring Jeter, Cano and Joba, and maybe a developed Phil Hughes, and whoever finally becomes Mariano's successor. (Did I miss any important ones among those current names? I don't think so.)

Emp: Thanks for remembering, or at least recognizing my writing style, such as it is. Also, if you really want Sabathia in Pinstripes -- as do I -- get David Wells on the case! He'll tell CC about all the wonderful places to eat in New York. Some of which don't even have golden arches or a pushcart. And you're right about Burnett: If he's the best we can hope for, we might as well re-sign Pettitte for one more year and develop the talent we've got. If I thought sacrificing 2009, the way "we" clearly did 2008, would mean title contention in 2010 and beyond, I'd do it. But I don't want to waste any more years on pitchers who have proven they're injury-prone but not that they're championship material. (As Bob Dylan would say, You and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate, late us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.)

As for Feinsand's blog, I'll have to look into it. Anybody posting there that I should be aware of, as in upsets Yankee Fans regularly?

Happy Thanksgiving to all Pinstripers! And to the Yankee-Haters... be thankful that you won't lose to the Yankees again until April!

NAM said...

Mike, you have to teach while their young or they will get some warped idea about baseball. There are a lot of uneducated people out there who don't understand the importance of baseball. 16 months - wonderful age. Enjoy them and Happy Thanksgiving.