Thursday, February 5, 2009

Squawker reader sez Joe Torre ruined his marriage

An anonymous Subway Squawker reader contributed this gem today in our comments section. I thought it was so good, it deserved a post of its very own:

Thank you Joe Torre, you ruined my marriage.

This week I got my wife an anniversary card. In the card, I enclosed a letter. The words flowed romantically and sincerely. It was a work of art. I spoke so glowingly of her. I showed the letter to some close friends and it brought tears to their eyes.

In the middle of the letter I casually mentioned that some of her friends called her “fat cow” behind her back. Was that so bad? All those other praising words and those are the ones she picked out? Give me a break!

I told her – she needed to read the ENTIRE letter. Don’t take those words of out context! Don’t pick apart one throw away line of an entirely beautiful letter. But no, all she kept muttering was “fat cow”.

In my defense I said that I had help writing the letter. Those exact “fat cow” words weren’t mine. (this didn’t help)

She asked me if I had read the letter before I gave it to her – I meekly said – yes, six or seven times. (this didn’t help either)

I tried to make a joke of the whole thing. I said friends didn’t really say those words “behind her back”. It wasn’t said in a mean way! It was playful. (this really didn’t help)

I tried to reason – look, everyone knows you aren’t as skinny as you were 12 years ago. It’s a fact. It’s not like it’s shattering news! (by now, I’m ducking for cover)

As a final defense I said – Look Joe Torre said some terrible things about A-Rod and people still love him and his new terrific book.

She asked me where Joe Torre was now. I said LA. She said good, go join your buddy Joe in California – you are history.

My only hope is Valentine’s Day. I’m thinking maybe Tom Verducci can help me with a card…...

Ha ha ha! Great post! But what do you readers think? Leave us a comment!


Julia Diaz said...

HAHAHA!! this is so funny!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the pub Lisa.

I still don't understand the fervor over a complete innocuous comment.

For the record, I took out the part about how she coyly copies the style and mannerisms of the single white female hottie down the street!

Give Dunkleman my best. Tell him I'm wearing a Met helmet at home, because I don't want any dents in my good Yankee one. ;-)

Anonymous said...


Did you get your Snuggie? I want to know if it's comfortable because I'm thinking of getting my wife one for Valentine's Day.

"Nutball Gazette" said...

Anonymous..You got to start your own blog..
Sorry Jon!

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