We thought he could have a tearful press conference, saying about how he admired Octomom so much that he decided to get pregnant just like her. "All I wanted was to have more Manny Juniors," he could sob. "Is that so wrong?"
Hey, it could work!
* * *
On a more serious note, can we please stop talking about how baseball's anti-steroids program is working? Because it's not. Two major league players failed the test in 2008, and four this year. Does anybody really believe those are the only players using performance-enhancing drugs? Come on now.
We already know that thanks to the players union, stars like Alex Rodriguez were getting tipped off in 2004 about upcoming steroid tests. Who's to say that isn't happening now? Or that players have just moved on to undetectable drugs like HGH?
Also, so much for the observation that Manny wasn't juicing because he didn't have a steroids-esque body.
And this faux naivete on the part of Joe Torre is a bit much. Didn't he read his own book, "The Yankee Years"? Chapter 3, "Getting an Edge," is all about steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs. It was one thing for Joe to pretend to be naive about juicing 10 years ago. But given that he literally has coached more known steroid users than any other manager in history, including three of the biggest names, it's a bit much to hear him pretend to be so shocked about Manny.
Oh, and don't tell me Torre just heard about the test failure yesterday morning - Manny reportedly was told last month he failed. The reason it was announced Thursday is that he dropped his appeal.
One thing I was kind of surprised over was Bill Simmons' column about the 2004 Red Sox. He speculated about which players were juicing on that team. Harsh!
Anyhow, what baseball's anti-PED program does is provide a cover for players and owners to pretend to us rubes that they're doing something to clean up the game. That's all. It's very successful at doing that. As for actually cleaning up the game, not so much.
What do you think? Leave us a comment!
15 comments:
Lisa,
LOL re Manny.
And I think you are right about the testing program. It is a calculated risk and some players are more than willing to take it. I think the penalty needs to be more severe - like you are out of the League for 3 years without pay.
good post lisa.
i was disappointed with joe too. he's acting like manny mistakenly took some cough syrup that had a banned substance in it. i thought he was all about integrity ....
i think bill simmons was mostly tongue-in-cheek, but the message is that no one is beyond suspicion anymore.
and you are right, it continues to go on and make a mockery of the game. they need to say 1 strike and you're out, for good.
cheers
I don't think extending the length of suspension time really matters. They're not juicing because they'll "only" get a 50-game suspension. It could be a lifetime ban, and players would still do it - they would just continue to use stuff, like HGH, where they won't get caught.
As for Simmons, when you put names to specific players like that, even in a supposedly kidding way, I think it's a statement of some sort.
The female fertility drug i heard is used frequently to cycle off steroids.
You are correct, Ryan. It's used to augment the production of testosterone when someone comes off steroids.
We know why Manny did it ...he needs his yearly break ...just wanted to take it a little earlier this year..lol.
Seriously tho' ...God only knows what names were on the list? Wouldn't we all be surprised if not totally shocked...
Peggy
Go Yankees 2009 !!!
Lisa, I'm not sure I totally agree that stiffer penalties wouldn't help somewhat. I don't think we'll ever get rid of the fools who push the envelope but it sure might make some folks think a little bit harder.
Manny was taking HCG because Viagra wasn't working anymore...........
Manny, Ortiz, Schilling, yeah, it's easy to believe they cheated. Varitek, Nixon, Millahhhh... yeah, it's easy to believe they cheated. It never occurred to me, though, that it might also have been Bellhorn and Mueller.
Sort of makes you wonder about all those injuries that made some other guys drop off the face of the Earth. Like Keith Hernandez. Gary Carter. But also Lenny Dykstra. Wally Backman. Howard Johnson -- 30-30, really? 30 injections over 30 weeks?
And the pitchers? We know it wasn't just drugs that turned Dwight Gooden from a black righthanded Sandy Koufax into a very ordinary pitcher, it was injuries. Sid Fernandez got hurt a lot. So did Bob Ojeda. Hmmmm...
And we can't say Davey Johnson wouldn't have allowed it, because he was the manager of the roided-up '96 and '97 Orioles. Come to think of it, how do we know Cal Ripken was clean? Doesn't miss a game for almost 17 full seasons, then plays three more years and is hurt a lot. Hmmmm...
Then again, it does make you wonder why Paul O'Neill and Scott Brosius retired at the same time... But they were still productive at the end. And while O'Neill was hurt a lot, he was also crashing into fences a lot. (Which might absolve Dykstra.)
The 1996 and 1998 World Champion Yankees are not loaded with question marks -- even if some of the teams they beat in the postseason, like the Orioles and the Rangers, are. The 1999 and 2000 Yankees -- and 2001 and 2003 teams that lost World Series -- had Clemens. But did the teams they played have questions as well? The '99 Rangers: Juan Gonzalez, Ivan Rodriguez and... Rafael Palmeiro. The 2000 and '01 Mariners, A-Rod (in 2000, anyway), and don't tell me Jay Buhner wasn't using them. The 1999 and 2003 Red Sox, let's just say I hope Mia Hamm gets those kids checked every now and then, because they've got Nomahhhh's genes as well as hers. The 2001 Diamondbacks, Schilling, Luis Gonzalez, Matt Williams.
And the 2003 Marlins? Ivan Rodriguez again. The 2006 Tigers? Ivan Rodriguez again, and if Clemens is a steroid suspect, what does it say about Kenny Rogers, who seemed a gone goose by 1997 -- certainly by 1999, when he lost the Pennant for the Mets with the most infamous base on balls in baseball history?
And what about all those Mets who seemed to have career years in 2000? Piazza had several years like that, but what about Edgardo Alfonzo? He didn't last that long, did he? Timo Perez, what happened to him? Rey Ordonez, the supposed best-fielding shortstop ever? What did Jay Payton do after that? Has Mike Hampton had a full season's worth of starts since October 2000? What about Armando Benitez, a clear candidate for roid rage?
"The Yankees" did not cheat. Clemens may have cheated. A few role players may have cheated. But there were far more on the teams the Yankees faced. Our titles aren't spic-and-span, but they're cleaner than anyone else's.
Am I on a high horse? It only looks that way from all those Yankee-haters, as usual, forgetting that The First Rule of Holes is that when you're in one, stop digging.
At least Bill Simmons finally admits, sort of, that his boys still haven't really won a World Series since 1918*.
Uncle Mike,
There ain't a shovel big enough for you to dig with.
Now go buy your neice's mother a great gift for Mother's Day for giving you that little joy!
And try to be nice this weekend!
This whole era in baseball is turning out to be a crock. I almost feel like the Yankees 1st WS win of the 90's, 1996, was possibly the last truly 'clean' Series because beginning in 1997, the usual suspects start creeping into Series play and it became "my juicer is better than your juicer". Think about it, '97 had Manny, Brown and Sheffield, '98 (the year of Sosa/McGuire) Knobblauch, Brown and Caminiti; '99 Bret Boone, Clemens; 2000 Clemens and Piazza; 2001 Clemens, Luis Gonzales and so on. Now, even the "Cowboy up" clan isn't immune - although they were strangely immune in the Mitchell Report.
knoblauch? pettite? clemens? bit players? come on grandpa, you better tell those nurses to cut back on your meds, or adjust them, you're getting a little loopy! the yankees have been exposed as the biggest culprit in this steroid era. you are more guilty than everyone else, whether I am a hater or not. facts are facts, supposition is b.s.
km
km: facts are facts when you have an unbiased sample. Yes, the Yankees were caught by Mitchell's report.
But don't forget that George J Mitchell was a director of the Red Sox. Conflict of interest? You betcha!
No Red Sox players were named and the report was commissioned by Bud Selig and there were no Milwaukee Brewer players named either. What a coincidence! Don't you think?
Now I understand last weeks statement that Bud Selig "REALLY cares about the integrity of the game" by Disinformation Minister of Red Sox Nation Peter Gammons.
Major League Baseball’s list of banned substances includes the gonadotropins LH and HCG (most commonly used by women as fertility drugs) used to trigger testosterone production. Occasionally it is prescribed for men whose testicles have basically stopped functioning. Testosterone is depleted by ABUSE of steroid use and low testosterone can cause erectile dysfunction.
Testosterone and similar drugs are effective for erectile dysfunction in that they jazz up your sex drive but far more clinicians accept that effect with Viagra and Cialis.
Alvaro, regardless of who was responsble for the report, knoblauch and pettite have both admitted their use. clemens is a big old liar, so we know that he cheated.
I just don't get how any fans can imagine that their players are less culpable for cheating just because other teams players have done it. doesn't excuse arod because manny cheated. it is still reprehensible, and the yankees seem to employ a good deal of these people. we can sit and guess who else is guilty, but it doesn't make them guilty. arod is guilty. clemens, pettite, giambi, knoblauch, grimsley, manny, etc., guilty. cheaters.
km
km, I wrote "Yes, the Yankees were caught by Mitchell's report."
I'm not saying the Yankees are less guilty nor I'm saying everybody does it, so it's OK.
The point is, if Manny's testicles don't work anymore, that means he has been doing it for a long time, but somehow he was never caught.
Bill Simmons, a passionate Boston sports fan, who writes for ESPN (ESPN seem to employ a good deal of these people) now doubts of Nomar Garciaparra, Kevin Millar, Johnny Damon, David Ortiz and even the skinny Pedro Martinez.
Peter Gammons as usual, puts his spin as what a trash Manny Ramirez and never mentions that this must have been going for years, thus tainting 2004* and 2007* World Series titles.
Yes, facts are facts, yes Yankee players are guilty. But TRUTH does requires that EVERYONE should be exposed.
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