Monday, June 15, 2015

Reveling in Boston Red Sox's fans abject misery -- yeah, I went there!

Any truth to the rumor that Pablo Sandoval
is now known as Kung Boo Panda?
Schadenfreude: It's not just for breakfast anymore!

Have you seen what is going on in Red Sox Nation these days? Boston is having a positively Bobby Valentinesque year. The team is simply awful. They are in last place with a 27-37 record, one of the worst records in baseball. Pitcher Wade Miley threw a hissy fit and openly argued with manager John Farrell the other night, a move that elicited this classic Dennis Eckersley response, which included asking whether Miley were on acid. Dustin Pedroia lost a ball in the sun in hilarious fashion. Hanley Ramirez in left field makes Manny Ramirez look like Yaz. Now the Sox have lost six in a row, and the season looks pretty much over for them.

And you know what? I am loving every minute of this. Are you kidding me? There hasn't been such comic gold in Beantown baseball since the days of the fried chicken and beer brigade!

So I spent some time tonight looking for most pained, angry, agonized Red Sox fans on the internet, especially those on various Boston blogs. Does that make me a bad person?

My Red Sox friend Paul Francis Sullivan -- aka Sully Baseball podcast host -- sez no: "Nope. I read the same for Yankees. It is part of what makes us us."(This is true -- I know that Boston fans do read yours truly after an epic Yankee loss to see how I will react!)

Well, then! Guess that means I have permission to share some of the best -- as in, most enjoyable for a Yankee fan to read! -- of Red Sox Nation's agony over the team as of late.

I actually correspond with some of the Boston fans I am quoting here (Red and Denton of Surviving Grady are longtime friends of the Squawkers, and Monstah Mash is an up and coming blog that has some really fun writing!) But that doesn't mean I can't revel in their team's misfortune!

From Surviving Grady:
But then–and it’s tough to replay it because I still can’t wrap my arms around everything that went wrong–the Red Sox let it get away with a loss so glorious, so insanely inconceivable, that it immediately ranked among the greatest Red Sox f*ck-ups of all time. Maybe top five. Ahead 8-4 going into the seventh, Matt Barnes, Junichi Tazawa and Tommy Layne gave up a staggering 8 hits and 9 runs in one inning, effectively torpedoing any positive mojo and goodwill left in the stands, possibly for the rest of the season.
From Over the Monster:

In a season that has been full of disasters, pathetic performances, and general horribleness, I thought it was beyond the Red Sox to really find that next level. They did. I would hesitate to say they went from bad to worse, because bad doesn't really accurately describe the starting point. But for where they are now, there's only one word: shameful....

I'd go through the motions of typing it all out, but if you really want to subject yourself to this train wreck of an inning, well, I'll defer to the tape, because I just can't! Bad teams lose games. Bad teams lose games after taking the lead. Bad teams lose games that most other teams would win. But it feels like when the Red Sox go bad, they go the extra mile. And tonight, they really outdid themselves. Even if you're somehow of the opinion that 27-35 and seven games down in the AL East isn't enough to consider them out of the running, after seeing a performance like this, it's had to imagine even the most optimistic of Red Sox fans holding on hope.

From Sons of Sam Horn:

Commenter 54th MA: "That's the ballgame, that's the series, that's the season," and "For those of you who weren't around at the time, this is what the Boston Massacre of 1978 felt like. Or 1770 for that matter."

Commenter Nuf Sed: "I am only watching this game because I don't own a ball peen hammer that I can use to pound myself in the head."

Commenter Kilgore A. Trout: "I just don't understand this  How is the manager not responsible when an entire team plays fundamentally bad baseball?  Plays way below their norm?  Not just one player, not two players, the entire team.  For the second straight year.  If that is not the manager's responsibility, then he literally has no responsibility and he's just a figurehead."
From Monstah Mash:

Writer Nick Piccione

BREAKING NEWS: The Boston Red Sox came out last night and lost their game against the Toronto Blue Jays in an implosion so spectacularly awful that it would make the death of the King Dome look mundane. 

In related news, the sky is blue, hell is hot, and Pablo Sandoval is fat. Up 8-1 going into the seventh inning , the Red Sox voided their bowels all over the place, gave up nine runs in the inning, and lost the game 13-10. And honestly, I’m not mad about it, I’m just disappointed. 

I’m disappointed that at this point in the season, the Red Sox have beaten me down so much that I don’t even have the energy to fly off the handle like I did last week. I feel defeated. I haven’t hated a Red Sox team this much since the year 199never. And that includes the Bobby Valentine season. Yeah, you heard me, this is my least favorite Red Sox team ever. 

Seriously, f*ck this team, it’s a goddamn madhouse and the lunatics are running the asylum.
Writer Tyler Scionti on Wade Miley:

Sheesh the guy looks like a kid who was told he has to go to bed at 8pm on a Friday. Or an angsty teenage girl who was told she can’t date the senior in high school who’s been repeating the 12th grade for the last six years. Either way Miley doesn’t look like a grown man here, he looks like a whiny little spoiled brat. Honestly I’m surprised Farrell didn’t deck Miley in the face because he definitely wanted to–which is probably why Miley ran away like some scared little five year old with Farrell following and staring him down....

What happened Thursday night was inexcusable: Miley as a player should know to respect his manager and he obviously doesn’t. He’s not alone either on the growing list of guys I’m sick of.  There’s David Ortiz who takes every chance to turn the spotlight on himself and remind us how old his schtick is, or Hanley Ramirez who refuses to address his crappy performance in LF. And don’t get me started on the error-making machine Pablo Sandoval who makes me miss Will Middlebrooks.

Point being: the Sox have about as much chemistry as the nerdy kid who gets saddled up with the cheerleader in a group project: none.
Between this and Deflategate, it has been a fun spring for mocking Boston! Heh.

1 comment:

Uncle Mike said...

Wow. If they're even beginning to turn on Ortiz, their big fat lying cheating god, in his "f***ing city," it must really be bad. That's like Yankee Fans turning on DiMaggio in 1954 - if he'd stuck around that long and the Yankees were in their way to losinf, rather than winning, 103.

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