Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A few new rules for Joba Chamberlain

So I watched the Joba Chamberlain DUI video. Very depressing to see.

But as the teachers used to tell us in grade school, let's hope he's learned a valuable lesson from all of this. Make that valuable lessons.

The biggest one, of course, is not to drink and drive. But let's hope he's learned the following as well:

* If you ever get pulled over again, don't pull the "don't you know who I am" card, don't name-drop who you are, and don't mention the Yankees. NFL player Ryan Moats's mother-in-law was literally dying in the hospital while some dopey cop kept him waiting for 13 minutes. Yet at no time did Moats pull the athlete card. Let that be an example to you.

* Don't dis New Yorkers - they're paying your salary. You may be right about Nebraskans being more likely to let you in through traffic, but it still doesn't sound very good to suggest that New Yorkers would hit you.

* That DUI video you were talking about was a Comedy Central spoof, not the real deal. Even though it would have been funny if it were true.

* Yogi Berra is short, but he really is taller than a police car. Honest. And by the way, it's not a good idea to make jokes about one of the most beloved living Yankees. So if you're thinking of making a Don Mattingly joke, skip it. Just saying.

* Don't wear a shirt with a design that looks like prison stripes. It makes for really bad imagery.

What do you think about Joba Chamberlain? Leave us a comment!


Anonymous said...

Great suggestions, Lisa. Even this diehard Red Sox fan takes umbrage with anybody taking shots at Yogi!

Roger 9 said...

The Yankees now have TWO big mouths who excel in dumb, dumb remarks.

NAM said...

LOL Lisa. Well said. Yogi deserves the utmost respect from all baseball fans. He is an American Institution!

She-Fan said...

You would make a good teacher, Lisa. Every point was right on. I'd only add that the cop was totally creepy for sounding like a celebrity stalker with all the questions.

Ryan O said...

Will he be cheered on opening day?

He'll be ok when he comes into pitch, he's allowed to jump over the line then.

"Nutball Gazette" said...

He must idolize and want to be just like A-***!
Maybe the A's will move to San Jose and with his behavior we will all be singing "Do You Know the way to San Jose?"

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