Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?

Going to a game at the new Yankee Stadium is like watching a bad reality show. Between every inning, the enormous video screen features fans making fools of themselves in one way or another, usually by attempting to dance.

I don't mean to sound like John Lithgow in "Footloose." Showing someone dancing once or twice is fine. But every inning? Squawker Lisa tells me that some of these fans have actually become local celebrities in Yankee land.

The giant video screen really is amazing. From our seats in the outfield, I would have probably ended up watching most of the game on the screen had they been simulcasting it. But that giant screen only makes the frequent episodes of "Dancing With the Fans" that much more intrusive.

Fortunately, Met fans don't have to endure regular appearances by the likes of Disco Stu. We have Cow-bell Man, who walks around hitting a cowbell. That's it. He doesn't dance around. He doesn't get featured on the video screen. Cow-bell Man just hits the cowbell.

Met fans don't need crowd shots to see embarrassing antics. We can see people make fools of themselves right out on the field. (Not that I'm bitter about last night or anything.)

If Yankee Stadium had a Cow-bell Man, he would be a Will Ferrell wannabee who would make Disco Stu look like Hideki Matsui.

Though the Yankees would soon replace him with the real thing, playing the "More Cowbell" clip over and over.

Apparently it takes a lot to rally the Yankees. You would think a clip from "Rocky" would suffice, given that the Yankees were only one run down to the Mets and playing in a bandbox where the ball could go flying out at any moment. But no, the sluggish Bombers and their fans apparently also required clips from "300" and "We Are Marshall." How desperate must you be to look for inspiration from Matthew McConaughey?

Sure, the Yankees did end up winning the game, but if the clips had inspired the outcome, they would not have showed inspirational speeches. Instead, they would have shown Xerxes inexplicably dropping his shield just as a Spartan spear headed his way. Or maybe Apollo Creed accidentally punching himself in the face.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

One thing Yankee Stadium has over Citi Field is the subway race, which is far more appropriate for New York than the sponsored truck race Met fans must endure. But the Yankee did miss a sponsorship opportunity with the remake of "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3" opening yesterday. I would have liked to have seen John Travolta hijack one of the competing subways during the race.

As for the food, I tried the Caprese sandwich from Mike's Deli and was very disappointed. It was premade and prewrapped and the mozzarella slices were quite thin. Should have stuck with the Lobel's steak sandwich.

At the end of the game, I was not looking forward to heading out of the stadium and onto the subway in a sea of gleeful and cackling Yankee fans. But while the Bomber faithful were happy and excited, I did not see or hear any Yankee fans taunting any Met fans.

Squawker reader Uncle Mike makes no secret of his disdain for the Mets. But even he pulled his punches:

This was less a "classic Yankee win" than a "classic Met loss." Once I got over the shock and stopped laughing, I felt awful for Met fans.

After we got on the subway, Lisa also expressed concern for my well-being.

When both Uncle Mike and Lisa are offering sympathy, you know it was a brutal loss.